Getting Cross at being Crossed

Cross Examination

For us in the Southern Hemisphere its summer time now, and as you Cold Shivering types in the Northern hemisphere throw another log on the fire or curse the poor heating in your apartments and shiver from record snow falls, we had to endure a blazing hot day today.

After driving into a distant town going to two different supermarkets and doing our big fortnightly shop, we had to make some emergency contingency plans, the heat was sweltering, which is unusual for this late in February, with things so hot, facing our usually long trip home, and half of our groceries already baking in the back of the car 'Dad' [Bagel] was struck with a thunderbolt inspirational idea.

[Click Read More...]

Well things were hot, the frozens were frying so 'Dad' brought two of those rather lowly status symbols popular at Bondi beach, the famous foam esky were in order, or what some might know as a 'cooler'.

With our frozen foods rapid decline slowed temporarily we sauntered through the shopping center enjoying the Supermarkets air conditioning.

I've got to be honest, I love easter, there I said that word.

Why? Well its not because of any false messiah who developed a rather severe persecutory complex, its to do with easter eggs. Yes I love the easter eggs, that get piled 12 stories high in our 'big town' supermarket.

There are so many easter eggs that they had actually made supermarket aisles out of the number of boxes of easter eggs.

You exclaim, but you can't like easter! Especially easter eggs! That's where you're wrong.

I like easter eggs for a reason that is so obscure you would never guess.

The reason why I love easter eggs is the local supermarket manager is such a colossal tight 'a*se' he refuses to turn the supermarkets air conditioning on to anything more than a symbolic hum. It doesn't matter if its so hot in the store you could cook your eggs on the floor without a fry pan, what's more important is that the manager saves a few dollars in the cooling bill.

Now there's a funny thing about the Australia Summer and its timing of 'easter', chocolate easter eggs, bunnies etc and summer don't go well together.

Now you know why I like easter, its the only time we can go shopping and know the local supermarket will be colder inside than the heat wave outside.

I don't know if it's ' easter ', but the christians are running rampant around here lately. It seems every second corner of the highway has had a new cross symbolically installed, the local 'christian school has blazoned the cross across their new buildings as thou they're expecting G__d to be doing some bombing runs and want to make sure they're missed.

The local secular school our two young children are forced to go to, (no alternative for 300km's) has been ramping up the evangelism this year.

The school knows we're Jewish, in an town of 1,000 people, a municipality of 20,000 to be the only Jews, excluding the local Doctor who lives two towns away and is secular, its not the kind of detail most of the town is likely to forget.

We tend to keep a low profile at easter time.

Anyway back to coming home with the shopping, the frozens safely tucked away in the two brand new foam Eskies, 65 kilometers later we start driving up our drive way, other people would call it an extreme 40 degree rocky graded slope, a serious four wheel drive climb, but we call it our drive way.

After the rains we've just had the drive way is starting to get that Grand Canyon look, I'm expecting to sell donkey rides any day now. We finally get to the carport and proceed to unpack the car.

I smugly grab one of the two brand new Eskies, for its first actual carry, some other shopping bags and proudly start marching up to the house.

Seven steps later the 'inspirational' let's buy two really cheap Eskies to put the frozens in, was sitting broken handled across the path with the fortnights deli goodies spewed across the path. Our over fed Labrador managed to drag herself from her panting position under the shady tree to try to help me collect the weeks deli order.

This did not make for a happy home coming. After fighting off the dog, and collecting the remnants of our cold goods from across the foot path I turned the key to the front door and was immediately hit with a stream of hot air from what felt like a blast furnace.

...Another reason why installing air conditioning is a good idea when building a home.

4 more hours of stifling heat, thoughts of 'I wished we had cleaned the swimming pool' and numerous 'it's so hots' later the afternoons roaring sun started to blend into purple clouds.

Later in the evening my partner Danielle paraphrased that according to the school letter the P&C had announced that they were bringing in changes to the school uniform, I quickly quipped two necklines instead of one? [one horse, two headed , three wife town...]

Danielle managed to not lose track and kept her summary of the school newsletter going.

The local Anglican Minister and his team will be leading 'religious education' classes beginning next week for all those in the first three years, he has informed the school that those practicing Catholics are welcome to attend due to the non denominational character of the lessons. mm... Don't even go there..

If you don't want your children attending please fill in this return form to the child's teacher, interesting position there, one form to return two teachers to receive and if you don't return the form the indoctrination starts next week.

It always amazes me that you have to inform the school if you don't want your children to attend. Surely in a strongly secular society such as Australia it should be if you do want your children to attend then return this letter.

Obviously the rosary sale results wouldn't be the same.

Then Danielle went on to another piece of information about how few times it is possible to open the Children's Canteen in one month currently it stands at five times per month, and currently under review.

It was at this stage that the focus of the school letter generally falls rapidly and becomes a free for all melee for who can announce the most trivial local celebration in this one horse town, this is my cue to play Homer Simpson and say ' look at the dog chasing its tail out the window'.

Before preparing tonight's evening meal, Danielle went through the Kids school bags and found some of the days efforts by Amber at her Kindy class. There was the standard seven legged animal and there was the;

'What the H*** is this?' exclaimed Danielle.

I looked at it and it was a picture of teapots, mmmm

Danielle exclaims why does it have to be on another flaming Cross?

Yes there it was all to see, we were being Crossed again. Never mind the Hot Cross Buns in the Supermarket, the Highway Crosses at every turn, the New School building's prominent Cross, the local Anglican ministers cross into the secular school system, the cross School principal and his naughty secular students, its was another Cross!

That's it. Danielle had reached boiling point, it was too hot, too much and too Christian!

She looked at me and with those, ' If your worth anything you would do something' mad 'cross' eyes' and exclaimed well? This is it I've had it why do they have to get Amber to put teapots on a friggin Cross? Enough is enough, what's wrong with a circle, a square, a rectangle, no it has to be a cross. And not just a 'x' marks the spot cross, it has to be a perpendicular extended base 'he died for your sins cross', Danielle was fuming.

I took a deep breath and contemplated my course of action, I could see it with my bare unbelieving eyes, it was a cross, it was a christian cross and I was going to have to get ...Cross no strike that, 'Assertive'.

It was at that precise moment as frustration welled up inside me forcing me to take action that Jade our other Daughter butted in and said

"That's not a cross they're teapots and that's the letter T."

mmm I need a cool drink its so hot....

Bagelblogger Always Fresh!

: * Funny and Jewish * Summer * Humor * Diaspora * Australia * EvangelismCross * Secular education * Esky * Jew + Funny Story * BagelBlogger * Bagel Blogger